Summer Goals

Hello everyone! Today I wanted to write about my goals for this summer. It's nothing extreme like climbing Mount Everest, but they are goals I know I can achieve if I put my mind to it.

1) To Get Healthy

I've struggled with my weight for many years and while I would like to lose weight, my overall goal is to eat healthier and be more active. This also includes mental health and maintaining a positive outlook on life. I would like to improve my socializing skills and meet new people. I would also like to start doing yoga and meditating more frequently.

2) Keep Writing

Whether it's short stories, poetry, journaling, blogging, or just getting my thoughts down on paper, I would like to write more. Writing is something that I have always enjoyed and I feel like it allows me to express my opinions and thoughts that I have difficulty saying in person.

3) Find Work

I would love to be able to find a job for the summer. Not only would it benefit me financially, but it would also give the opportunity to interact with people more. I've struggled with unemployment for a while and it has been a contributor to my depression.

4) Start Volunteering

I want to volunteer within my community. My number one goal in life has always been to help others or make a difference in people's lives. I am going to start looking into volunteering opportunities this summer.

5) Learning How to Film and Edit Videos

If you read my post about my first year of college, you would know that I mentioned taking other programs in college after I finish my current one. I'm torn between getting into writing or filming. Since media is such a big part of our society, I am interested in an occupation that allows me to express myself more. I also have some ideas for upcoming projects I would like to create.

6) Improve Makeup Skills

I want to improve my makeup skills since makeup is something I am extremely passionate about and there is always room for improvement. I am also looking into taking a makeup course in the new future.

7) Read More

I love reading and I can never stop doing it. Whether it's books or articles online, I'm always reading something. I love learning new things as well so this summer I am going to read as much as I possibly can.

8) Going on Adventures

Getting outside more is always a good thing. This summer I plan on going for more hikes and walks as well as exploring places i've never checked out before in my city.

My First Year of College

Hello everyone! As some of you may know from my recent update, I recently finished my first year of college. I figured I should make a post about my experience, fears, and future plans since this is such a big part of my life.

So my college experience thus far has been relatively "vanilla" if that makes any sense. I know college is the time when alot of people tend to try new things,experiment, and meet new people but my experience has been very plain. I still have never been to a party or a club. I faced a few troubles in college including boy drama and will also be making later posts on some of these issues.

My college is in my hometown so I  would rather commute everyday instead of living in residence. I feel like living on campus is a great way to meet new people. Luckily many of my high school friends are attending the same college and one of my friends is in the same program so I've had people to talk to. I have a really hard time making friends because I have social anxiety so if I didn't have my friend in my course, I don't know how I would get through it.

One thing I noticed was how quickly people were able to group together and form cliques. Even from the start of my program, whenever my friend and I tried to befriend new people, it always seemed like they had no interest in being are friends. It didn't matter how friendly we were, it got to a point in our first year where we started to feel like everyone was looking down on us.

This became especially apparent in the second semester. My friend and I like to enjoy ourselves when we are together. We're always making each other laugh and putting smiles on each others faces. We always just put each other in a good mood- which has been good for the both of us. We both view our time together and our discussions as a way to focus on the positive things in life and express ourselves without feeling judged.

The career that my program is preparing us for is for a professional environment. We just thought that maybe we were looked down upon because we were too lively/bubbly all the time and most people would assume that people in this field would be more reserved. Whenever we would be joking around- even if it was before class started, other kids would give us rude looks. I noticed however, that all of my classmates would also joke around with their friends- but for some reason, would stare us down if we did the same.

We all want to fit in and it's frustrating when you try to put yourself out there and people constantly reject you. I spent the majority of my life struggling with anxiety and depression and I told myself that once I started college, I would try to talk to people more (which I have) it's just difficult when people don't want to reciprocate that.

Another struggle i've faced was with my identity. I've started to discover who I am and develop new interests and hobbies. At the same time, I also found myself letting go of old interests and struggling with my identity in terms of race.

My family and I also moved to a new place once I started college and I struggled with many family issues during my first year. I started to feel neglected in a way, because I felt like everyone was occupied with their own things and never had time to just sit down and talk to me. So I started to stay later at school and I was constantly going out with friends. My family doesn't like our new home so they would always just complain about it to me when I was home. I started to feel more and more depressed when I was home and eventually, it just became a place where I slept at night and nothing more.

I also have had second thoughts about my program and whether or not I should take something else. When I tell people this they either say one of two things; the first being for me to just drop out, or they'll tell me to just stick with it because they want me to. Even though I don't feel as if I want a career in this field, I still don't want to drop out. I've come too far and worked too hard to let all my efforts go to waste. I'm still young and indecisive so for all I know I could change my mind a few years down the road. What I do know is that I will definitely be going back to college and taking other courses once I finish my current one.

For the first half of my first semester of college, I was probably the happiest i've ever been in my life. I was so excited to wake up everyday and I loved being at school- even if other people didn't accept me. Eventually, it all headed downhill and I slowly started to sink back into depression, I also had depressive episodes during my second semester and I am afraid I may fall back into it now that the semester is over and I'm just at home all day.

The hardest part of my second semester, was having to constantly be around people. I had so many assignments piling up so even though I had days where I didn't have classes, I still was at school working on them with other students. I'm someone who really needs space from other people. If i'm constantly around people, I start to feel drained and get agitated quickly. I'm not sure why this occurs, but i've felt this way for a while and I always need a bit of alone time.

So in conclusion, while it has been a hard year and I have experienced many changes, I have also started to find myself and grow as a person. I am proud of myself for overcoming all the pain and struggles i've gone through and completing my first year of college. Lastly i'm just glad I got a few months off from doing homework. Thanks for reading! xx

Finishing My Last Exam

Hello everyone! I wish I could have been posting more this month but I had to finish up this semester of college. I wrote my last two exams today so it was officially my last day. I cannot believe I have already finished my first year of college. Anyways, I just wanted to do a quick update and inform everyone that I will have alot more posts coming soon.

Garnier Triple Nutrition Butter Cream Leave in and Butter Rich Conditioner Review

Hello everyone! Today I will be reviewing a conditioner and and a leave in conditioner from Garnier. These products caught my attention when I saw them on sale at Shoppers Drug Mart. I read through the ingredients and saw that they both contained macadamia oil,which made me want to try them out. While I love to use many different oils in my hair (I will make a post about my favourites in the future!) I find that macadamia oil and jasmine oil are my favourites. My go to hair products are from the Marc Anthony macadamia oil line-which is sold at drugstores. So when I saw these products at Shopper's I wanted to see if they would be a good alternative to those products since these are half the price. Just for reference, I have very dry, frizzy curly hair.

I actually finished the whole bottle of this conditioner already (thick hair problems) and it is hydrating. I do like both the conditioner and the leave since the are both hydrating. However, the conditioner breaks me out. The first time I used this I guess I didn't clean it off my skin as well as I thought because the next day I woke up with tons of little bumps all over my face (I've never had this problem with any conditioner before). I find that I have to really clean my face and body after using it (with face wash and Bioderma). I will probably continue to repurchase these since they are so inexpensive but just be warned if you have sensitive skin, that it you may have to take extra steps to make sure it doesn't irritate your skin as well. Thanks for reading!