So my college experience thus far has been relatively "vanilla" if that makes any sense. I know college is the time when alot of people tend to try new things,experiment, and meet new people but my experience has been very plain. I still have never been to a party or a club. I faced a few troubles in college including boy drama and will also be making later posts on some of these issues.
My college is in my hometown so I would rather commute everyday instead of living in residence. I feel like living on campus is a great way to meet new people. Luckily many of my high school friends are attending the same college and one of my friends is in the same program so I've had people to talk to. I have a really hard time making friends because I have social anxiety so if I didn't have my friend in my course, I don't know how I would get through it.
One thing I noticed was how quickly people were able to group together and form cliques. Even from the start of my program, whenever my friend and I tried to befriend new people, it always seemed like they had no interest in being are friends. It didn't matter how friendly we were, it got to a point in our first year where we started to feel like everyone was looking down on us.
This became especially apparent in the second semester. My friend and I like to enjoy ourselves when we are together. We're always making each other laugh and putting smiles on each others faces. We always just put each other in a good mood- which has been good for the both of us. We both view our time together and our discussions as a way to focus on the positive things in life and express ourselves without feeling judged.
The career that my program is preparing us for is for a professional environment. We just thought that maybe we were looked down upon because we were too lively/bubbly all the time and most people would assume that people in this field would be more reserved. Whenever we would be joking around- even if it was before class started, other kids would give us rude looks. I noticed however, that all of my classmates would also joke around with their friends- but for some reason, would stare us down if we did the same.
We all want to fit in and it's frustrating when you try to put yourself out there and people constantly reject you. I spent the majority of my life struggling with anxiety and depression and I told myself that once I started college, I would try to talk to people more (which I have) it's just difficult when people don't want to reciprocate that.
Another struggle i've faced was with my identity. I've started to discover who I am and develop new interests and hobbies. At the same time, I also found myself letting go of old interests and struggling with my identity in terms of race.
My family and I also moved to a new place once I started college and I struggled with many family issues during my first year. I started to feel neglected in a way, because I felt like everyone was occupied with their own things and never had time to just sit down and talk to me. So I started to stay later at school and I was constantly going out with friends. My family doesn't like our new home so they would always just complain about it to me when I was home. I started to feel more and more depressed when I was home and eventually, it just became a place where I slept at night and nothing more.
I also have had second thoughts about my program and whether or not I should take something else. When I tell people this they either say one of two things; the first being for me to just drop out, or they'll tell me to just stick with it because they want me to. Even though I don't feel as if I want a career in this field, I still don't want to drop out. I've come too far and worked too hard to let all my efforts go to waste. I'm still young and indecisive so for all I know I could change my mind a few years down the road. What I do know is that I will definitely be going back to college and taking other courses once I finish my current one.
For the first half of my first semester of college, I was probably the happiest i've ever been in my life. I was so excited to wake up everyday and I loved being at school- even if other people didn't accept me. Eventually, it all headed downhill and I slowly started to sink back into depression, I also had depressive episodes during my second semester and I am afraid I may fall back into it now that the semester is over and I'm just at home all day.
The hardest part of my second semester, was having to constantly be around people. I had so many assignments piling up so even though I had days where I didn't have classes, I still was at school working on them with other students. I'm someone who really needs space from other people. If i'm constantly around people, I start to feel drained and get agitated quickly. I'm not sure why this occurs, but i've felt this way for a while and I always need a bit of alone time.
So in conclusion, while it has been a hard year and I have experienced many changes, I have also started to find myself and grow as a person. I am proud of myself for overcoming all the pain and struggles i've gone through and completing my first year of college. Lastly i'm just glad I got a few months off from doing homework. Thanks for reading! xx
One thing I noticed was how quickly people were able to group together and form cliques. Even from the start of my program, whenever my friend and I tried to befriend new people, it always seemed like they had no interest in being are friends. It didn't matter how friendly we were, it got to a point in our first year where we started to feel like everyone was looking down on us.
This became especially apparent in the second semester. My friend and I like to enjoy ourselves when we are together. We're always making each other laugh and putting smiles on each others faces. We always just put each other in a good mood- which has been good for the both of us. We both view our time together and our discussions as a way to focus on the positive things in life and express ourselves without feeling judged.
The career that my program is preparing us for is for a professional environment. We just thought that maybe we were looked down upon because we were too lively/bubbly all the time and most people would assume that people in this field would be more reserved. Whenever we would be joking around- even if it was before class started, other kids would give us rude looks. I noticed however, that all of my classmates would also joke around with their friends- but for some reason, would stare us down if we did the same.
We all want to fit in and it's frustrating when you try to put yourself out there and people constantly reject you. I spent the majority of my life struggling with anxiety and depression and I told myself that once I started college, I would try to talk to people more (which I have) it's just difficult when people don't want to reciprocate that.
Another struggle i've faced was with my identity. I've started to discover who I am and develop new interests and hobbies. At the same time, I also found myself letting go of old interests and struggling with my identity in terms of race.
My family and I also moved to a new place once I started college and I struggled with many family issues during my first year. I started to feel neglected in a way, because I felt like everyone was occupied with their own things and never had time to just sit down and talk to me. So I started to stay later at school and I was constantly going out with friends. My family doesn't like our new home so they would always just complain about it to me when I was home. I started to feel more and more depressed when I was home and eventually, it just became a place where I slept at night and nothing more.
I also have had second thoughts about my program and whether or not I should take something else. When I tell people this they either say one of two things; the first being for me to just drop out, or they'll tell me to just stick with it because they want me to. Even though I don't feel as if I want a career in this field, I still don't want to drop out. I've come too far and worked too hard to let all my efforts go to waste. I'm still young and indecisive so for all I know I could change my mind a few years down the road. What I do know is that I will definitely be going back to college and taking other courses once I finish my current one.
For the first half of my first semester of college, I was probably the happiest i've ever been in my life. I was so excited to wake up everyday and I loved being at school- even if other people didn't accept me. Eventually, it all headed downhill and I slowly started to sink back into depression, I also had depressive episodes during my second semester and I am afraid I may fall back into it now that the semester is over and I'm just at home all day.
The hardest part of my second semester, was having to constantly be around people. I had so many assignments piling up so even though I had days where I didn't have classes, I still was at school working on them with other students. I'm someone who really needs space from other people. If i'm constantly around people, I start to feel drained and get agitated quickly. I'm not sure why this occurs, but i've felt this way for a while and I always need a bit of alone time.
So in conclusion, while it has been a hard year and I have experienced many changes, I have also started to find myself and grow as a person. I am proud of myself for overcoming all the pain and struggles i've gone through and completing my first year of college. Lastly i'm just glad I got a few months off from doing homework. Thanks for reading! xx
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